MMM One Week Away
It’s been 20 years since I attended the first Million Man March and a lot has transpired in my life since. I’m been working to elevate the […]
A Great Fatherhood Resource for Dads and Families
For years, conversations about fatherhood have understandably focused on getting fathers to step up. Stay. Provide. Engage. Participate. Parent. These expectations matter, but perhaps the next phase of the conversation also needs to ask, What happens when fathers do those things?
Do we notice? Do we acknowledge them? Do we encourage them? Do our children hear us affirm the good their fathers bring into their lives? Maybe sometimes fathers need somebody to notice what they are doing, instead of another conversation about what they aren’t doing.
The Census Bureau has demonstrated that complicated family relationships can be measured when we decide they are worth measuring.
But America has spent decades making enormous policy decisions about fathers while too often measuring fathers indirectly through mothers, households, child support cases, marriage records, birth certificates, or children’s primary addresses. These data sources are valuable. But none, standing alone, constitutes a full measure of fatherhood.
We don’t believe there’s a shortage of fathers in the data; we believe there’s a shortage of questions capable of describing them.
Thirty years after PRWORA, the responsible fatherhood field has matured far beyond its original policy frame. The work is no longer simply about helping men pay child support. It’s about helping fathers become emotionally steady, legally informed, economically stable, relationally healthier, and more consistently connected to their children.
It’s about strengthening the whole family system without erasing mothers, ignoring safety, or romanticizing father involvement where harm is present. It’s about establishing the conditions for fathers to contribute to child well-being in financial, emotional, social, educational, and protective ways.
Unfortunately, our funding systems haven’t fully caught up to that truth.
Some of us were raised to keep family business in the house. Some were taught to pray about it and keep going. And sometimes, when a child is talking about being depressed, overwhelmed, or not wanting to be here, we think they’re being dramatic or looking for attention.
But silence isn’t safety. Our children need to know they can tell us the truth. Even the hard truth. Even the uncomfortable truth. Even the truth that scares us. Our children need to know there’s nothing they can say that will make us stop loving them, listening to them, or helping them.
Healthy co-parenting is crucial to instilling this comfort and confidence.
It’s been 20 years since I attended the first Million Man March and a lot has transpired in my life since. I’m been working to elevate the […]