If you’ve ever been in a situation where you’ve found out that someone was talking trash about you behind your back or worse… spreading lies, you are not alone. Whether it’s gossip about you coming from your co-workers, friends, a family member or someone who you barely know in passing, how you handle gossip says just as much about you as it says about the pettiness of the person doing the gossiping.

A big part of dealing with people who have nothing better to do than gossip about you is, to not even sweat it. But every once in a while it helps to understand what gossip really is, the character of the person doing the gossiping and the psychology behind why they feel the need to keep your name in their mouth.

It’s important to understand that people who maliciously gossip about you or spread rumors without knowing the full story are usually people who either: carry some sort of envy or resentment towards you but they don’t have the balls (no pun intended) to address the issue with you directly so they resort to cowardly talking about you in your absence.

It’s also important to understand that people will gossip about you if they are jealous of your position, capabilities. resources to get stuff done and your level of focus. Just think about it: Why else would somebody be so invested in worrying about what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with and then carve out time in their schedule to gossip about you? Because, when you are busy focusing on your goals, your money and simply doing you, you don’t have the time to worry about what the next man is doing.

Which brings us to the question: How do you handle people who talk trash about you?

If at all possible, don’t even sweat it or entertain it…because it’s petty and so are they. Maintaining your decorum is one of the most important things that you can do when dealing with people who talk trash about you. Don’t break a sweat or lose an ounce of sleep, especially if you know it’s not true. Because, if you become confrontational, spas out on them or threaten to meet them outside so you can take it to the streets, the only thing this does is show how easily people can ruffle your feathers and possibly get you fired or arrested. A clear, controlled thinker will always run circles around a fool who lets their emotions rule them and run away with them. That’s why your best bet is to fall back and chill.

Instead of reacting to their hate, assess whether or not the gossip can seriously damage your professional reputation. And if it’s not that serious, let it roll off your back and keeping it moving.

If you believe that the gossip is so damaging that your career or money is it risk, here are a few possible options.

  • If it’s someone at work. You can confront the person in a self-controlled business-like manner. Let them know that you are aware of the gossip and if there’s an issue they need to address with you, you’d be more than happy to set up a meeting to address the issue like two professionals. If the gossip continues and you believe the person is defaming your character, sue them for defamation of character. When people seek out to hurt or destroy you….Don’t get mad, get paid.
  • If it’s a friend who can’t hold water in the rain (meaning they always have your name in the middle of gossip) then, it might be time to part ways. Sometimes friends grow apart and one friend has a tougher time making the adjustment.
  • If it’s a family member, keep that particular relative out of your business by not talking to them about the personal things that are going on in your life.

When all else fails, know that the most effect way to deal with gossip is by not feeding into it and being consistent with respect to your character, work ethic and integrity. You can’t stop people from talking about you, but you can stop their gossip from getting the best of your behavior and attitude. Sometime you just gotta fall back and chill.

Copyright © 2010 by Cassandra Mack. All rights reserved.

Posted by Cassandra Mack

Cassandra Mack, MSW is the Founder and CEO of Strategies for Empowered Living Inc. a company dedicated to helping others develop tools for personal empowerment and success through interactive workshops, consultation services and books that inspire growth. Affectionately dubbed “The First Lady of Urban Motivation” Cassandra has written and published over 10 personal growth books aimed at the urban market. With a master's degree in social work, Cassandra Mack blends her clinical training and expertise in human development with practical self-help techniques in order to design and fashion strategies for empowered living that help men and women breakthrough the roadblocks in their lives in order to build their best lives from the inside out. Cassandra has written and published several successful books that are widely utilized in churches, women's organizations, the health and human services, high schools and social service organizations accross America. Her published titles include: "The Busy Woman's Little Book of Motivation," "The Single Mom's Little Book of Wisdom," "The Black Man's Little Book of Encouragement," "Cool, Confident and Strong: 52 power Moves for Girls," and 'Young, Gifted and Doing It: 52 Power Moves for Teens." Cassandra is the voice of counsel to thousands around the world through her blogs, columns, radio broadcasts, books and Facebook notes. Cassandra has been on Good Day New York, What Women Want and Teen Talk." She's been featured in Black Enterprise, The Network Journal, AM New York. She's written articles for: The Harlem Parent, Proud Poppa, BELLE, The New York Beacon, Carib News and City Chick Magazine. Cassandra is on a mission to change lives, whether speaking, training or writing, she is a prominent influence in helping men, women and teens alike unlock their untapped potential, breakthrough the barriers that hold them back and achieve personal mastery over their lives. Cassandra’s straightforward, practical approach to personal growth and empowerment makes her one of the most sought after speakers in the country. If you'd like Cassandra Mack to speak at your upcoming event, present a workshop to your group or to learn more about her books and products go to her company website: www.strategiesforempoweredliving.com

One Comment

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