Yesterday I turned 54. While many will see that as a major milestone in the life of a black man (or any man for that matter); tell me why did I just wanted to get it over. It wasn’t that I did not appreciate the acknowledgment of my life or the adoration of my existence, As I reflected yesterday I think it was just that at some point in your life you stop celebrating things past and don’t have any real expectations of things, future. You just want to live in the moment or the right now.
I wonder if this is that a sign of being (quote/unquote) old or mature aging, where you no longer take being alive as a given or automatic. That you see yourself closer to the end, than the beginning. Is it morbid to begin thinking that at some point you’re gonna die anyway, so why celebrate something that is not guarantee? Or maybe it could be that birthday celebrations after 50 aren’t about you, but about those who celebrate you.
Whatever, yesterday is over and here I am in the moment of another day to live my life as God see fits. I’ve resolved to the notion that I only ask for my usefulness. That God continues to find a reason to use me each day. Accepting that somewhere in his infinite wisdom, he has an assignment just for me. One that extends birthday after birthday for a very long time.