“Unmask” Yourself to the Kids in Your Life: They Are Smarter Than You Think

By Terrie Williams

(Reprint from “Reclaiming Our Health Newsletter”)

As adults, we do a pretty decent job of hiding our emotions when we are hurting—we wear the mask to let the world think we are o.k. In reality, for some–nothing could be further from the truth.  It is easier to hide emotional turmoil from another adult because he/she will usually have their own issues to deal with—but kids are smart as a whip and know when a parent is are going through something.  Our kids grow up looking at everything we do, good and bad—and they learn from it.  No matter how much you would like to protect your child from life’s difficulties, if you are depressed, addicted, not around a lot or violent—we are creating a direct legacy of pain.

We always want to be the strong one, the all powerful and perfect one.  We do not want to admit our vulnerability or mistakes to our young. Kids are intuitive and miss nothing.  If they live with us, work with us or go to school with us—it’s not like they can’t tell that we’re crazy—they already know–you cannot hide it.  So when a young person in your life says “mommy, daddy, adult figure  Are you sad? Are you angry?  Did you hurt yourself?” And you say “no” or “nothing”–it is at that point that we are unintentionally setting them up to hide emotions and suppress their feelings.  We are teaching them to:

• Lie
• Wear the “mask”
• Not deal with their emotions
• To second guess their intuition—they asked because they sense something. Yet they see that this most high person in their life just lied to them.
• Lastly and most critically, we are not providing them with the tools and coping mechanisms that we are supposed to provide them as the adults in their lives.

Who else should they be getting this information from?

We are supposed to tell our kids what we do when we fall down—we must help them to recognize the signs that we might exhibit if we are going through something.  For example, tell them–when I am sad, I may cry — it is a healthy thing to do because it means that I am releasing pain and or disappointment; I may go for a walk or run; write in my journal; I might pray; I might ask God to order my steps—because I am not sure how I am going to get there and  I may talk to my therapist or take medication to feel better—And will learn nor to trust us.

Kids really are smarter than we think—have you ever taken the time to view some popular television shows aired on Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, etc.?  Show content ranges from trials and tribulations of divorcing parents, manipulation and teen sex.  Therefore, if we’re keeping a secret or lie to our kids, they know.

Anyone can experience depression–regardless of race, gender or age—there are no barriers.  Depression will rob an individual/family of enjoyment found in daily life and can even lead to suicide.  It is important to recognize the signs of depression and to know “what depression looks like, sounds like, feels like”. Prevention is a cure!—Not recognizing the signs will create pain, confusion and hinder necessary treatment to enable healing….Healing Starts With Us!

Terrie M. Williams is author of the critically acclaimed Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting, founder of The Terrie Williams Agency (est. 1988) and Co-founder of the Stay Strong Foundation. For more information  please visit www.thestaystrongfoundation.com, www.used2beme.net, and www.youtube.com/used2bemeourstories

The Stay Strong Foundation (SSF) is a New York based not-for-profit 501 (c) (3) organization, founded in 200l by Terrie M. Williams and Xavier Artis.  The Foundation’s mission is to educate and inspire using a myriad of unique and innovative programs designed to transform lives.  The SSF coordinates a variety of nationwide events to raise awareness, promote  personal well-being and enhance educational and professional development.

SSF’s  vision is to motivate people and show them that they are the architects of their future.