Watching My Fatherhood Come Through

Kenneth Jr. and Nzinga

By Kenneth Braswell

Author, “When the Tear Won’t Fall”

www.kennethbraswell.com

Have you ever been watching your children and you notice yourself in them? How about hearing someone say, “Wow; now that ain’t nothing but yo mama/daddy.”  Its one of those parenting moments that makes your heart stand on edge. It’s a defining moment which represents the transference of your legacy to your child. As many of you are aware, the transference makes no distinction between the good or bad traits that surface in your children.

A while back I took my newborn son to the doctor for the first time. He was then, one week old. Typically I cringe at the notion of going to the doctor; because as a father you typically become invisible to the doctor and staff; especially if the mother is present. However, we did well in picking a doctor who is sensitive to the presence of both the mother and father. She was engaging, informative and full of complements for our new son. This is exactly what new parents want to hear. As a part of the examination, she explained our son’s Apgar score. The score is a way of determining the baby’s health at birth. It looks at heart rate, muscle tone, breathing, reflexes and color. The Apgar score is rated on a scale from 1 to 10. It is rare that a newborn receives a 10, because their belief is that no baby is perfect. However our son got a 9.9. In the grand scheme of things, I’m not sure what that means, but I do know that it’s a good start.

I’m not aware of what my Apgar score was when I was born, nor his mother’s or sibling’s. I do know that 9.9 is a great score on any grading scale. It is a story and fact we’ll tell him all throughout his life as he resists the high expectations he’s already set for himself.

Later in the evening, I attended my younger daughter’s winter concert. In her first year she has made the school choir and plays the saxophone in the school band. However; as impressed and proud as I am of those accomplishments; there was another moment that totally overwhelmed me to tears. You see, I wanted to play the sax growing up, but never had the opportunity to do so. I also wished very much to have a voice to sing; NOT! I wasn’t blessed with that either. But I was blessed with the command of public speaking.

I watched my nine year old daughter stand behind the microphone that evening to present a song. It was incredible. She stood straight up in a comfortable stance, spoke loud and clearly. Used perfect diction and memorized what she was asked to present. As I watched her, I began to understand what people say they see in me. It’s difficult sometimes to know how people are receiving you, but tonight, my daughter showed me my fatherhood coming through. I am so proud of her and she makes my heart smile.

I don’t know where her voice and talents will take her in life, nor do I know where my son’s 9.9 apgar score will take him. I do know, this time; I seemed to have got this parenting thing right and all my children are/will be the better for it. I am the better for it.

So, if you are concern about how your parenting is being received by your children. Take a moment to sit back and watch how it’s being presented back to you through their behaviors, talents and desires. We don’t always see the good stuff come through, but it’s wonderful when it does. So, if you want good stuff to come out, put good stuff in.

————————————————–
Kenneth Braswell is a nationally renowned expert on Responsible Fatherhood and Family Development. His work in community development and activism spans over 20 years. For comments, feedback, speaking requests, purchase my book and other information: visit www.kennethbraswell.com or email me at kennethbraswell@gmail.com. Please support my book “When The Tear Won’t Fall” One Man’s Journey through the Intimate Struggle of Manhood and Fatherhood. Copyright 2009© All Rights Reserved