One Day Your Boy Will Become A Man

We Owe Our Children More

By Talibah Mbonisi

My son thinks he has a mustache, an 8-pack and hair growing from his armpits.  He’s nine and wants to be like his Daddy.  And, even though his mustache is the same one he was claiming when he was 3, his 8-pack is really his ribcage (visible when he lays down to show you), and his father plucked the imaginary and singular hair from under his arms…I am still beginning to see the young man he’s becoming.  When he was young, it was hard to imagine him ever being a man, but today it is frighteningly easy to conjure up that image.

And, that scares me.

See, yesterday I received an email from ColorofChange.org that included a graphic video of Chad Holley, a 15-year-old Houston teen, being brutalized by police officers.  My typical reaction to these videos–of youth being beaten down in the streets or shot in the head on subway platforms by cops or their peers, young men’s bodies dangling from trees or boys hanging from a pole in their closet—is to feel anger at the injustice, sadness for the victim and the overwhelming urge to sign a petition, post to Facebook or tweet on Twitter.

But, more and more often, as I look at this skinny little big-headed boy, it becomes easier and easier to replace their faces with his.  And, that image immediately changes my perspective on what I am willing to do to ensure that my little boy gets to grow up and be the President-scientist-professional soccer player that he wants to be.

Sooner than I’d like, he is going to step out into this world, with body hair and muscles like his Daddy, and selfishly I realize that petitions and Facebook and Twitter won’t be enough for my child; and I can’t continue to make it enough for some other mother’s son.

So, lately, even though I often don’t know what to do, I have a stronger sense that I can do more.  I must.

Now, by “I”, I mean “I”; not the POTUS, not his father, not his school, not the grassroots organizations.  If anything is really going to change, I–and at the risk of sounding bossy—We have to take nothing less than 100% responsibility for the well being of our children.  Yes, the other people and institutions that touch the lives of our sons and daughters also share in the accountability.  And, yes, 140-characters sent to @somebody absolutely can make a difference.  It’s not nothing.  Somebody say, “Egypt!”

But, still, we can do more.  And, more might be mentoring, organizing, teaching, funding…shoot, it might mean grabbing a truant child by the ear and guiding her back to school.  Sometimes, just being there and being steady is enough.  I don’t know what “more” is for you.  I’m still trying to define it for myself.

Honestly, I think it might just be a moving target.  There’s always more that can be done, and we owe it to our children to do it.