When Co-Parenting Works: Building Families Beyond Brokenness

By Kenneth Braswell, Fathers Incorporated

We don’t talk enough about what happens after the relationship between two parents ends — after the divorce papers are signed, the yelling stops, and the silence settles in. That space, the space after brokenness, is often where the real work of parenting begins.

I’ve sat across from countless fathers and mothers trying to figure it out. Some still carry wounds. Some are ready to forgive. Most are somewhere in between. I’ve learned from them that co-parenting isn’t about liking each other. It’s about loving the child more than you dislike the past, and that requires something deeper than shared custody or court agreements. It requires humility, maturity, and a commitment to partnership even when the marriage (or the relationship) didn’t survive.

Our culture glamorizes perfection in parenting, but partnership is the more accurate measure. Who can sit in the discomfort and still choose the child? Who can put their ego on mute long enough to hear what the child needs? Who can navigate a co-parenting conversation without letting old wounds take the wheel?

At Fathers Incorporated, I’ve watched co-parenting transform fractured families into functioning ecosystems of support. It’s not perfect — and it’s not easy! — but it represents a deep commitment to the well-being of the child. 

One dad in our Gentle Warriors Academy fatherhood program shared his journey with me after completing his six-week co-parenting journey. He and his daughter’s mother had gone from barely speaking to using a shared calendar, alternating school pickups, and even attending therapy together, not as a couple, but as co-parents determined to do better for their child. He said, “I realized I don’t have to fix the past with her. I just have to protect the future for my daughter.”

And that’s what this is really about.

We often hear statistics about the impacts of single-parent households, but we don’t hear enough about the power of cooperative parenting across households. Research from the U.S. Department of Justice and the Center for Family Policy and Practice shows that children with actively engaged noncustodial fathers are more likely to do well in school, have higher self-esteem, and avoid behavioral issues. The American Psychological Association also notes that effective co-parenting significantly reduces the emotional toll of divorce on children, especially when both parents maintain routines and discipline across homes. What this tells us is clear: Even when romance doesn’t last, parenting can.

But to get there, we must reframe how we talk about broken families. Families aren’t broken because two people no longer live under the same roof. They become broken when the adults stop showing up for the child, when resentment replaces communication and conflict becomes the primary language spoken in the home. 

I’ve watched too many fathers disappear because they felt unwanted or unworthy. I’ve watched too many mothers carry everything because they didn’t believe they could trust someone who once hurt them. And I’ve watched too many children internalize instability as something they caused.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Co-parenting done well is not just about trading holidays or splitting bills. It’s about modeling emotional intelligence. It’s about letting a child see that two adults can disagree, move on, and still work together. It’s about healing aloud so our children don’t have to heal in silence, alone. 

The best co-parenting I’ve seen isn’t loud. It’s not performative. It’s quiet text messages confirming appointments. It’s mutual understandings about bedtime routines. It’s agreeing not to talk badly about the other parent in front of the child, even when the bitterness rises. It’s the sacred art of restraint in the name of love.

This doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real. It doesn’t mean breakups don’t leave scars. But when two people decide their child’s future matters more than their romantic history, something powerful shifts.

I’ve also learned this work is never one-size-fits-all. Every family has its own rhythms and rules. Some co-parents find harmony quickly. Others take years. Some may never speak face-to-face, and that’s okay, as long as the child feels seen, loved, and emotionally safe. In the end, children don’t need perfect parents; they need grown-ups committed to loving them in tandem, even from separate spaces.

What would it mean for our communities if we normalized functional co-parenting? If we held up stories of redemption instead of focusing on conflict? What if we trained fathers and mothers not just in child development but in conflict navigation and emotional regulation? What if our support systems didn’t treat co-parenting as a backup plan, but as a viable, honorable form of family?

At Fathers Incorporated, we’ve seen firsthand that this is possible. We’ve seen the breakthroughs. The reconciliations. The shared school plays and holiday dinners. We’ve seen parents who once couldn’t be in the same room learn to clap together for their child on graduation day. And in those moments, you understand: This is what healing looks like. This is what maturity looks like. This is what family — redefined — looks like.

So no, parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. But partnership? That’s where the magic is. 

If we want to raise whole children, we must be willing to build bridges where brokenness once lived. It’s not easy. But it is worth it. Because when co-parenting works, it doesn’t just save the child — it saves the adults, too.

Kenneth Braswell is a nationally recognized leader in the responsible fatherhood movement and author of several acclaimed books, including When the Tear Won’t Fall, Strength of the Father, Kwesi and the Ogre, and Too Seasoned to Care. He is the CEO of Fathers Incorporated and host of I Am Dad Podcast.