By Ryan Crawley
No matter how prepared you think you are in life, once you hear those two words, everything goes straight out the window. The moment your wife says, “I’m pregnant,” is one you will never forget. I believe my heart actually stopped for a complete minute. I think I saw a bright light and tunnel before it started beating again.
We have been planning on having a child for several months. We have only been married for a bit now, but we are also older parents, so we don’t have much time to mess around. I’m a young acting 42 years old and my wife is a level-headed 36 year old. I’m an elementary school teacher and I made the mistake of saying aloud the other day that a child’s father that was picking the kid up appeared to me to be his grandfather. The father looked too old to have a nine year old. One of the girls in my class quickly set me straight when she declared that this would be me when I have a nine year old. Of course I smiled at her humor, and then gave her a detention.
I have a few major concerns being a future first time father. Is this going to be our only child? We are both getting up there in age. It could be one and done. And if it is, how can I guarantee it will be a boy? I mean, I will love the child and everything if it is a girl, but this might be my one chance at having a son. I have so much knowledge I want to pass down to my future son that a girl might not appreciate. Will a girl care that the Flash can beat Superman in a foot race? Will a girl be able to bench press hundred and hundred of pounds with me? Will a girl watch wrestling with me as I babble on and tell her how much better it used to be? Not likely.
I know this next worry of mine is totally unfounded, but I watched the miniseries V back in the early eighties as a child and it scarred me for life. These aliens were trying to take over the earth, like most aliens always try doing. In the show, this young lady gave birth to twins I believe. The first one came out and was a girl. The second one came out and it was a reptile baby of some sort. I realize the odds of this happening to me are like at least 50 to 1, but it continues to keep me up at night.
Like most men that have been single for a long time, I adopted a dog from the animal shelter years ago. I fell in love with a little schnauzer that I named Flair. After a few years, I was still single and decided that Flair needed a brother. I adopted another dog, a shih tzu, that I quickly named Smoosh Face. I named him that because he would always smoosh his face into his food while eating or his water while drinking. Even though both dogs are great with my nieces and nephews, they are going to have this little baby around them all the time. I just don’t want any of them to feel neglected. Not my two dog babies or my one human baby.
Another concern as a first time father is if I will have the stomach to change a dirty diaper. I’m not sure I will. And I am pretty certain my wife won’t allow me to spray the baby off with a hose on the back porch to clean it up.
I’ve been asked if I will be in the room during the delivery. My wife is an obstetrician. She delivers babies every day of the week. What does she need me in there for? She knows what she is supposed to do. I’ve decided that I will be in the room for the baby’s delivery. However, I will stay up near my wife’s head. Possibly facing the wall.
All in all, as long as the baby is healthy and my wife makes it through the delivery alright, I will be a happy man. If it is a boy or a girl, it really doesn’t matter (no reptile baby). It will be one of the best days of my life. Adding another member to our family is something we are all excited about. Just thinking about how it is right around the corner makes each day seem longer. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.
Ryan Crawley is a writer and educator from Washington, Illinois. He enjoys using humor in all of his writing. You can find articles by him on several top Education, Parenting, and Fitness sites. To contact him, check out his LinkedIn profile. www.linkedin.com/in/ryan-crawley-b854bb146