I had the pleasure of speaking to an audience of over 600 dads in Jackson, Mississippi at the 8th Annual Dads of Destiny Conference. The event was held at the Cardoza Middle School and the theme of the evening: Dads are the Gatekeepers to the Village. All week leading up to the event I had a level of anxiety about going into the State of Mississippi. The images in my head from media, what I’ve learned in school and the stories from my family who reside there is mainly what caused the angst. Like going anywhere you’ve never been before; you carry a level of uncertainty, given what you think about where you’re going and its reality.
As I looked out the airplane window flying over Mississippi; I saw vast amounts of land with houses miles apart. I wondered what it must have been like on the ground in the 1800’s; even in the early 1900’s when more than likely those very same houses were plantations for slaves and indentured servants. I also wondered as my mind’s imagination went into the deepness of the trees; how many of my people lost their lives at the hands of prejudice and hatred in those woods? I’ve been all over the world, but also wondered what could possibly be my contribution to a community with so much history. Then I arrived and God showed me what he wanted me to see.
God presented to me a community much like many of the communities I see in my work; in fact much like the communities I both live and grew up. A people submerged in the tradition of hospitality and dignity. It was a community covered with the memory of a civil rights struggle and the reality of things fought for; yet long passed. However, in the air memories of Medgar Evers still resonates. This 2011 southern community of Jackson is also overwhelmed by poverty and extreme fatherlessness. Much like many urban communities where blacks overwhelmingly reside; Jackson too is faced with high unemployment, inadequate housing, crime and educational challenges. Yet despite these seemingly insurmountable obstacles; people still seem to hold on to measures of hope.
This expression of hope manifested itself in the over 600 dads and some 200 moms showing up on a school night to listen to a guy from New York talk about fatherhood. I was asked in my remarks to give some inkling of hope to a gymnasium full of parents; both mothers and fathers looking for solutions to a problem that many still ignore. As I spoke, we did what families do; we laughed together, cried together, talked together and ate together. For a change I walked out of there feeling like God was showing me the possibilities. What can happen when people care and show up?
The morning after, I was driven to the very communities I spoke about the night before. The communities where 77% of the over 30,000 Jackson Public School children are living in single mother households. The areas where poverty is running ramped and where young and old men dot the landscaped of communities at a time of the day when mothers are mostly at work; barely making enough in wages to sustain themselves and their father absent children.
Now, this imagery doesn’t describe ALL of Mississippi; but be clear that the folks who attended the conference were a minute sample of the parents who did not. Yet, I was encouraged to look out into an audience of concerned men and women determined to create the best learning environment for their children.
I departed Jackson; but I left a piece of my heart there to ensure that I would continually come back to contribute what I know, what I experience and what I hope for. This community is part of the fabric of our work. I might add; at eight years running; they are off to a tremendous start in addressing this issue of fatherlessness.
In closing my speech, I spoke specifically to the men and fathers in the audience. I challenged them and hopefully motivated them to be the best they could be. Pushing them not to allow the stereotypical notions of what society has to say about black men and fathers serve as barriers for them to be accountable. I was adamant in letting them know they are champions; men of valor and honor. I asked them not to forget that their contribution and responsibility to raising their children is as critical as the contribution of mothers. Impressing upon them that parenting is a learned and mutual act of responsibility.